Despicable You

"The environment plays a significant role in the life of a person or a population. It maybe referred to as the physical surroundings or the social or cultural factors existing in a human population."

I want to break something. I want to vent out the rage that has been confined within me for the longest time. I want to answer back to hurt your feelings the same way that you have hurt mine. So that it wouldn't only be me who is hurting. So that it would be fair.

I wept. People say that it would be better to let it out - you never did. Because you never cared about what I feel. I felt a lot better after that moment of self-pity. I have always felt that you have always thought me of being weak though I never shared not even one secret to you. I felt a lot better because as I was weeping, I was also thinking of the mean things that I will say to you in case we have a confrontation. It felt good for a moment. I wept again.

I was lost in my thoughts of how you have raised me. You did make sure I remember how different you treated me because up to now, it feels like I was watching my life back then in high definition quality. I am holding you responsible for what and who I am today. I am blaming you for being the reason why I feel this way about myself. After all, I am a part of you.

Several moments passed and anguish is still not out of my system, like a bitter taste in my mouth that I wanted to spit out. I am alone. I have always been alone my entire life. I was left no choice but to thrive on my own. You left me alone. No, you were there all along. You just never cared at all. The only thing mutual between us is contempt.

I wished you harm at times you pointed out my flaws. You are simply despicable. You never accepted me for who I am from the very beginning. It was foolish of me to dream that you will eventually learn to love me for who I am. It was foolishly impossible. I was devoid of your affection and support while the others, whom you thought to be deserving were treated fairly.

I cannot turn back what the hands of fate had done. But I have the power to control my life. And I will make sure I will not end up to be someone like you.

 A flower cannot choose the tree it wants to bear its fruit.

A seed absorbs the nutrients it gets from the soil and the light it gets from the sun in order to grow.

Birds leave their nest and take flight to survive on its own.

- Maru

Never Grow Up

I'm 18 years old and I will be turning 19 on the fourth of September this very same year. I usually do not celebrate my birthday but I'm thinking that maybe - just maybe, my 19th and final teenage year shall be concluded ceromoniously - or maybe not.

Looking back, it is almost everything happened in a blur. I remember how bad I wanted to grow up. I remember thinking of the endless possibilities of living in this world as an adult and how easier it would be for me to decide on my own and do the things that I want. I guess it was every child's dream to grow up and to be free and to try everything without anybody telling them that they are not allowed to.

Growing up, I always wanted to do things on my own. I get irritated if someone like my mother would do the job done for me. I get frustrated when after multiple trials, I still couldn't do something like how to cook a perfect sunny side-up. I guess this behavior is instinctive to all growing young individuals. We find it exciting to try new things and feel satisfied when our work is finished.  We also get easily frustrated when we fail and sometimes, we throw the blame to the people around us. We do not want older people getting in our way.

We are often misunderstood by our parents, teachers, etc. They think of us as rebels and troublemakers. I ask myself all the time: "why is it so easy for them to judge us as if they did not go through the same phase?" and they always have an answer that suggests that we are worse than their generation. I always snap every time my mother will tell me this. I will elaborately explain to her that their time back then was to be compared to stone age while ours is the age of exploration. Before they make hasty comparisons, they should consider the gap in our ages.

My only request to my parents is that they need to be more open-minded. It is so unfair because their judgement is blocked by the illusion that they are the perfect generation and that how they behaved was supposed to be the same manner we should be behaving now. Grown-ups should keep pace with the changes in time. They must understand that as time progresses, social norms are continually renewed. The world has become a million times better since time immemorial but I believe that the world we are in right now would have been not what it is if not for the ability of humans to adapt to change. I believe that grown-ups had lost their ability to be receptive to new knowledge disabling them to conform to the developments that they see and experience.

To all grown-ups, remember that to understand the children of the 21st century, one must be "young" again that is, to regain the state of mind like that of a sponge, which absorbs new knowledge and accepts change.

To all the children who dream nothing but to be a grown-up, never forget that to be child-like is different from being childish. Do not be afraid to make mistakes and above all, retain your ability to adapt to change.

- Maru